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'Trying out for the girls' field hockey team,Eileen?' 'Are you giving up on trying to pass for a guy?' 'Hey, geek,are you going to sneak into the girls' locker room and sniff their dirtysocks?'In the break room he opened the fridge and there was his liquid lunch.It was a big bottle labelled WIMP. He opened it and took andexperimental sniff. Whatever Claire had put in there smelled foul. Hefumbled with the top of the baby bottle, got it unscrewed, and poured ina full helping of the mystery drink. When he went back onto the workfloor carrying the baby bottle he was showered with new insults. 'Isthere a laxative in there, jerk, to clean out your brain?' 'I guessthat's the closest you'll ever get to having a girl's tit in your mouth.''Awww, is baby Eileen having her widdle bot-bot?'He kept sucking at the unpleasant beverage until he had forced himself todrink it all. As soon as he was finished, however, Claire spotted himand told him to go right back and fill it up again. . Oh, I almost forgot, I'm Jerry McGuire; and no, I don't look like Tom Cruise; I'm taller.I had finally seen the light, that was a year ago, and I'd gone out and gotten my class-A license. I'd gotten the bug to drive big rigs late in life, true, but got it I did, so I went for it. At any rate, like I said, I'd had to do something; I was going crazy doin' next to nuthin'.So "who" am I? Who is my wife? Am I happy? Are we happy? I'll be getting' to all that shortly; it's kinda complicated. Anyway, I guess I should tell you a little about our backgrounds.I was born on Oklahoma, not too far from Muskogee. My father was an alky. And, because of the heavy drinkin' keepin' a job was not exactly his thing, so we did without. We moved to California when I was a kid, I was around eight, I guess.We were so poor that workin' the farms of the San Joaquin as de facto migrants was about all that was left to us. So we picked grapes, cotton—I hated pickin' cotton—or any other crop that was in.
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